Cafe, Shoreditch. 9th February

A group of four Europeans with artistic haircuts have arrived and are looking for space on the long communal table. There’s nowhere to fit four - but a lone girl is sipping the last of her coffee.

In a strategic move one European sits directly opposite her, another beside him, another right beside the girl - the fourth friend waits on a nearby stool. They’re crowding her out. The man on the stool gives the target a toothless half-apologetic smile, but he’s steely-eyed.

A waitress takes her empty coffee cup away. It seems like game-over. She delves into her bag…and takes out a heavy book and settles in. She’s going nowhere. Check-mate.

Beside me are two raspy-voiced American girls in their early 20s.

“The pastor said at her wedding ‘Thank God Shaun replied to Gwen’s message on ‘Match’. I mean NOT what you say at their wedding!”

“Oh my god, no!”

“My other sister won’t sign up to ‘Match’ because she thinks it says something about her if she has to PAY to date. She IS on Bumble and Tinder though. I feel SO baaad. She’s 38… and SO pretty. SO sweet.”

“She’s adorable.”

“You guys have a similar aura actually.”

“Honoured!”

“She’s frozen her eggs now you know. Just in case. But I know someone else who did that and THEN found out they hated being a parent anyway. It’s SO hard. But you know what - she wasted too much time NOT dating in her 20s and I don’t want that to be me you know?”

“Yeah it’s tough.”

“AND she won’t date anyone who is shorter than her. And she’s TALL.” The froth blends as she stirs, “….She’s SO tall.”

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